


Mahariel is a Demisexual Mess

by altalemur



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Hopeless Romantic, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Other, but Zevran's the main one, more romance happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-29 06:19:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11434941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/altalemur/pseuds/altalemur
Summary: Exactly what it says on the tin. Mahariel is a hopeless romantic who has a habit of falling in love with xyr friends. Or: a look at the relationships Warden Mahariel creates with xyr companions.





	Mahariel is a Demisexual Mess

**Author's Note:**

> Using xe/xem/xyr pronouns for my third gender Dalish hunter. This started out as just a random post about my Mahariel’s character and turned into a romance fanfic.

It wasn’t easy for Mahariel to survive Tamlen’s passing, but xe was a survivor by nature. Most Dalish were. Xe knew many stories of loss and sorrow from every hahren in xyr clan. But this sorrow, Mahariel had to endure without xyr clan to share the burden. The loss of clan compounded Tamlen’s loss. Tamlen was family, childhood friend, and teenage crush to xem. But Mahariel endured it, along with sickness called by xyr exposure to the darkspawn, on the long trek to Ostagar with Duncan. Being in a new camp didn’t really give Mahariel more companionship; everyone at the camp was a Shemlen. Being around so many of them was a conflict of instincts. Before travelling with Duncan, Mahariel had never had a moment when xe wasn’t surrounded by xyr clan. After weeks barely even talking to Duncan, xe was almost desperate for company. Xe wanted to get close, especially to the other Grey Warden recruits, but an even stronger distrust of Shemlen held xem back. They were all so violent. Even the ones who were not soldiers automatically assumed that Mahariel was a servant who stole xyr own Dalish armor. Even the other Elvhenan at camp were just flat-eared servants, shoulders slumped and eyes staring at xem.

Mabari was the first and easiest to make friends with xem. Mahariel was a ranger. Out of everyone else in the camp at Ostagar, the fierce, xe felt close to the taint-sick Mabari. Xe picked every one of the taint-fighting flowers xe could find. Xe was tempted to eat a few, xemself, but if it was that easy to cure the taint, then the Keeper or Duncan would have already done so. Mahariel was overjoyed when Mabari found xem after Ostagar. Unfortunately, xe couldn’t come up with a better name than “Mabari” in the human language, or “Doggie” in Elvish. Doggie shared Mahariel’s tent, along with a tamed wolf and any other animal that followed Mahariel along the road. 

When xe had to be The Warden, xe straightened xyr back, deepened xyr voice, and thought of xyr Keeper and Duncan. The only person who could tell xe’s was still as afraid of being surrounded by Shemlen as the first day walking into Ostagar was Doggie. He’s never far from Mahariel in towns, pressing against xyr side reassuringly, or even standing alert between the strangers and his Elvhenan. Mahariel was not surprised that Mabari was smarter than most Shemlen. He learned his Elvish name quickly. Mahariel spoke to Doggie every night in Elvish.

Alistair took a little time to get used to, if only because he was the first human friend that xe made. Mahariel had been taught since childhood to respect, if not revere, the Grey Wardens. Mahariel could give that respect, begrudgingly, to Duncan. Mahariel was willing to admit Duncan was a good man by the end of their journey to Ostagar, but their meeting was tainted by tragedy in many ways. Alistair was a Grey Warden, worthy of respect, but comically nonthreatening. 

At first Mahariel thought he was putting on a show, trying to convince Mahariel to lower xyr guard. Ten minutes in the Wilds convinced Mahariel otherwise. Alistair really was that affable. And like the Grey Wardens in the Keeper’s stories, Alistair didn’t mind that one of the recruits was Dalish. He respected Mahariel’s experience as a ranger, and the strength it took xem to still be walking around with taint sickness. 

When Mahariel woke up in a witch’s hut, having lost everything xe knew for the second time, xe hugged Alistair like a brother. At camp, when xe knew no enemies were close, xe sang the funeral song to the campfire, and didn’t mind that Alistair could hear it.

By Redcliff, Alistair and Mahariel had created a strong bond. Strong and familiar. Like an untamed animal, Mahariel’s heart fluttered when xe discovered an affection deeper than friendship for Alistair. It was strange to have such a feeling for xyr fellow Grey Warden. Was it a betrayal of Tamlen, or xyr clan? Was xe just lonely? How would it even work with a Shemlen? Mahariel hesitated… but eventually probed Alistair about his romantic life. Alistair, as it turned out, was only attracted to women, which Mahariel was not. For that matter, Alistair consider Mahariel a man. The wild fluttering of xyr heart turned into a bird with a broken wing. Xe was just thankfully that Alistair didn’t seem to notice.

Morrigan was... interesting. The way that a large venomous creature could be interesting when it wasn’t actively trying to eat you. But Mahariel wasn’t particularly afraid of predators. A frightened halla’s antlers were far more dangerous than the average predator with a full belly. Morrigan, like the Grey Wardens, was far more respectful of Elvhenan than other Shemlen. At the campfire and on the road, Mahariel learned that Morrigan believed in older traditions of magic, in living with and studying nature. Morrigan knew almost as much as Mahariel’s Keeper in terms of herbal potions, and shared her knowledge, in exchange for what xe knew of Dalish herbology. She was almost as uncomfortable in the cities as Mahariel, and just as quick to cover her vulnerability. Mahariel enjoyed talking with her, but there was a lot more to be weary of than Mahariel initially thought. What xe wanted, intimacy and romance, Morrigan disliked; and what Morrigan wanted, physical intimacy and emotional distance, xe disliked. Stories of how Flemmeth slept with men and then disposed of them was… off-putting to say the least. And like Alistair, she considered Mahariel a man. It was more off-putting the longer xe spent time with Shemlen.

Leliana was beautiful in ways that took Mahariel by surprise. Xe didn’t trust Chantry Sisters, not after the long-ago betrayal of xyr people, and the way the Chantry Sisters at Ostagar were so disdainful of Mahariel’s Dalish nature. Leliana did talk about the Maker... often... but not in a way that condescended to Mahariel. She was just as curious about Dalish stories as she wanted to share Orlesian stories. She was even moreso curious about Mahariel. One night around the campfire, xe told Leliana a story of xyr people’s genders. She was surprised, but not disturbed. She rested a hand on xyr knee, confessing that such things didn’t matter for her.

She smiled at Mahariel so easily. Mahariel was more trusting of xyr Shemlen companions after warming to Alistair and Morrigan, and still felt the lack of a large clan that filled xyr heart. Xe wanted know more about Leliana, her past (what little she hinted at), and even the fashion in Orlais. Xe wanted to become close to Leliana so suddenly, it surprised xem. It was even more incredibly surprising when she flirted with xem. They were almost on the cusp of... something, when xyr fondness for her cooled almost as suddenly. They disagreed, strongly, when it came to the history between the Dalish and the Chantry. She treated Mahariel well, and seemed to be full of incredible compassion. But Mahariel found in her the same... assumption that Elvhenan were most suitable as servants to Shemlen. It did not sit well for Mahariel that she might only find xem attractive in an “exotic” or “delicate” way. After that conversation, Doggie stayed between Leliana and Mahariel at camp.

Mahariel didn’t trust Zevran, but xe had been especially loathe to kill any Elvhenan elves, even a flat-ear assassin. Mahariel never would have trusted Zevran if he had sworn to have turned over a new leaf. Instead, Zevran was only grateful for having his life spared, and happy at the opportunity to leave the Crows. Mahariel was already surrounded by a group of quasi-trustworthy Shemlen companions, a Qunari and a Mabari. Xe let Zevran pledge himself to xyr cause fighting the darkspawn. Mahariel trained a feral cat to watch Zevran’s tent at night the entire way from Redcliff to the Mage Circle. If Zevran noticed, he didn’t complain. Like any new companion, Mahariel wanted to hear Zevran’s story, to gauge him. Every story Zevran told about himself somehow ended up with the would-be assassin naked and helpless. Like Alistair, Mahariel was weary of Zevran depicting himself as harmless and incompetent to lower xyr guard. It certainly wouldn’t be hard to guess that a Dalish Elvhenan would sympathize with a city elf who was bought and sold like chattel as a child. At the Circle, Zevran certainly proved himself to be lethal. It wasn’t until seeing Zevran in the Fade, actually prone, helpless, and in pain, that Mahariel believed him. 

Mahariel didn’t want to miss another opportunity to express xyr feelings. Xe had never told Tamlen, knowing xyr bonding was probably going to be arranged at the next Arlathvhen. But that would never happen, now. Not for Mahariel. There wasn’t time for fear during a Blight, xe reminded xemself. Zevran had flirted from the beginning, and Mahariel had hesitated at that time. Xe didn’t hesitate anymore. Zevran offered Mahariel a massage when they were done fighting the demons of the Circle, too tired to go back to camp, and sleeping at the nearby inn. Mahariel took him up on his offer of more.

It was Mahariel’s turn to share stories with Zevran. The assassin had told xem that his mother had been Dalish. Zevran tried not to show it, but Mahariel could tell he was thirsty for stories about them. Like the Shemlen, Zevran had only heard stories of the Dalish as violent and wild. Thankfully, violence and wildness did not deter Zevran, who found dangerous things attractive. Mahariel told him stories of love, family, and freedom. Xe told Zevran the story of xyr first successful hunt, and how proud xyr clan was to welcome xem as an adult. Xe told Zevran about the halla, and how they had taught xem the nature of animals and of taming. Xe told him the story of xyr vallaslin, for Ghilan'nain and for halla, and how by tradition they could show no pain during the entire process. Xe told him, hesitantly, about Tamlen. Zevran was unusually quiet during the story, and by the end eager to distract Mahariel with a second round of lovemaking. 

Mahariel eventually had a large camp full of companions: an Elvhenan elf, four Shemlan, a dwarf, a golem, a Qunari, Doggie, and whatever animals Mahariel had recently tamed. It was as close as Mahariel had to a clan since leaving home. and each day xe drew closer to Zevran. It hurt on the day when Zevran pulled away. Maybe it had been a mistake to give Zevran xyr old Dalish armor. (”Your armor is too worn at the joints. And besides, this is an extra set I was holding in case mine was damaged.”) Xe shouldn’t have given Zevran xyr own mother’s necklace, even if xe pretended it was just to match the armor and practicality. (“I can’t wear two necklaces at once, and I must wear the Grey Warden necklace.”) Maybe Mahariel shouldn’t have pushed xyr Dalish culture on Zevran. Despite his maternal Dalish roots, Zevran adamantly called himself a city elf. For the first time since sharing Zevran’s tent, Mahariel slept in xyr own tent with Doggie. Xe stayed awake wondering if xe only wanted Zevran as a reminder of home, if xe was as guilty as the Shemlen of looking at an elf and seeing what xe found most useful. The next morning, they avoided each other at the campfire, Mahariel with Alistair and Zevran teasing Wynn and Morrigan. 

Mahariel gave Zevran back his earring, apparently not a token of affection at all. Xe didn’t know how to ask for xyr necklace back, or if xe wanted it back. Mahariel left Zevran at camp with Morrigan while they slayed her mother, even if Mahariel knew Zevran’s poisoned daggers could have found the weak spots between dragon scales much more easily than Shale’s fists.

Morrigan was overjoyed, as much as she allowed herself to be, at her mother’s death. She was grateful to Mahariel, to say the least. At Morrigan’s heavy suggestion, they shared a very long night together. In the morning she threw xem back at arm’s length. Zevran looked surly and ready to lecture Mahariel about Morrigan at breakfast, but with xyr own deftness and Doggie’s help avoided being too close or alone with Zevran. Mahariel didn’t need Zevran to feel terrible or foolish. At least Zevran eventually took the hint that Mahariel did not want to talk.

Mahariel was tired and heartsore, and felt like a complete fool. Grey Wardens were not well-known for having families and life partners. This was a Blight, not a courting festival at an Arlathvhen. Instead of flirting around the campfire, xe commiserated and strategized with Alistair, drank with Oghren (and Wynne), philosophized with Sten, and taught Doggie more Elvish. 

Unsurprisingly, it was Wynne who helped Mahariel really heal. From the beginning, Mahariel had cooked, not trusting Alistair’s palate or Morrigan’s deftness with lethal herbs (even if it did make xem feel a little like a servant). With a larger group to feed, Wynne had helped Mahariel with cooking most nights. At some point, over chopping up wild herbs and potatoes, or maybe while skinning rabbits, Wynne told xem the joys and sorrows of her own past. She had had love and community in the Circle, which surprised Mahariel. The way the others talked of the Circle, it sounded more like a prison than a family. And yet that was where Wynne’s heart was. She had learned a painful lesson of patience with her first Apprentice. She had known an even deeper joy and sorrow of love, first with a lover and then, briefly, with a child. If not for Wynne’s patient company, Mahariel didn’t doubt xe would have become completely cynical of love, and calloused xyr heart.

After returning to Ostagar, on their way to Denerim, they made a detour back to the lake, to reconnect Oghren to a lost-love. Mahariel had to hold in xyr laughter while playing wingman to Oghren. It was worth it, with how happy it made him.

There wasn’t time for fear during a Blight, but Mahariel refused to become heartless. Xe would not let the Blight take the hearts of xyr companions of xemself. In Denerim xe consoled Alistair when his sister didn’t want anything to do with him. It would have broken Mahariel’s heart to see Alistair lose faith in people. In Denerim xe stood next to Leliana, as a friend, and told her that she had changed, that she could still change, and to believe in a good ending for herself.

In Denerim, Zevran acted much the same way he had when they first met, and offered to pick “a good whore” for xem. Instead, Mahariel bought a bottle of wine and offered to share it. Zevran followed Mahariel to a quiet room of the tavern to talk.

Zevran seemed to be expecting Mahariel to tell him to leave, or even a quick fuck against the wall. Instead, xe apologized for xyr treatment of Zevran. Zevran was touched, but tried taking most of the blame. While Zevran was more than willing to be physically intimate with anyone, he didn’t know how to handle the emotional intimacy that had built up between them. They spent a long night together apologizing, confessing, and then holding each other close. Mahariel accepted back Zevran’s earring, and told Zevran to keep xyr mother’s necklace. Zevran was shocked and overjoyed to discover the meaning behind the gift.

Zevran spent the rest of the Blight teaching Mahariel endearments in Antivan. Mahariel spent the rest of the Blight delighting in Zevran’s willingness for emotional vulnerability. They weren’t meant for a happy ending, by either of their accounts. Mahariel could never have the sort of life with Zevran that had been expected of xem, that xe had hoped for, in the Sabrae clan. Zevran would never be completely free from the far-reaching influence of the Crows. Neither one of them could be entirely monogamous; one more bitter-sweet night with Morrigan was a small price to pay for a future, and Zevran craved physical intimacy when Warden or Crow-annihilating business took them apart for long. Still, Mahariel knew that xyr home was in Zevran’s arms, and xe was Zevran’s home.


End file.
